But here’s a simple definition: “A healthy body image is a body image where you feel happy and confident and accepting of yourself,” says Drew Anderson, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at the State University of New York in Albany, whose work focuses on eating disorders and psychological issues related to obesity. This doesn’t mean that you’ll never have a moment of discontent about your body. This doesn’t even necessarily mean that you’ll want to celebrate or love every inch of your body. But it does mean that your complaints or concerns about your body, whatever they are, aren’t leaving you with body issues that affect your quality of life. So what can you do to become more accepting of the way your body looks? Here are some steps you can take toward building self-esteem and appreciating every inch of you.
1. Shift Your Focus to How Your Body Performs, Not What It Looks Like
“If your whole life is focused on your weight and shape, you’re in trouble,” Dr. Anderson warns. Try remembering all the other aspects of your life that you enjoy, whether that’s being a good friend, playing a sport you love, or volunteering for a good cause. Make a conscious effort to appreciate the way in which your body, as it is right now, makes it possible for you to enjoy these activities. When you stop and appreciate the incredible things your body does every day it can dramatically change the way you see yourself and your body, says Jennifer Kelman, LCSW, a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and body image in private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. “It can translate into you feeling great about how you look.” Kelman admits it takes work to shift your thinking, but it is possible. “Each time a negative thought about your body or appearance creeps in — and it will — remember that society doesn’t get to prescribe your idea of beauty. You do,” she says."
2. Don’t Get Duped by What You See on TV and Social Media
Sometimes the images we see on TV and on our social media feeds can make it feel like there’s a certain way fit, energetic, or healthy bodies look. But remember that those images don’t necessarily represent real life (thanks to Photoshop, photo retouching, strategic poses and camera angles, and a whole lot of makeup) — and they usually don’t represent the diversity of ways that a body can in fact be healthy, says Jennifer Engler, PhD, associate professor and psychology chair at York College of Pennsylvania in York, Pennsylvania, who researches how adolescents develop a sense of identity. Pay attention to what types of messages the media you’re exposed to is sending you. And if the messages aren’t healthy or helpful ones, consider limiting your exposure, says Dr. Engler. “Try to break from any social media that leaves you feeling bad afterward and try to connect with a community that either is not engaging in conversations about body or viewing it in a more positive way.”
3. Be Realistic About Your Individual Size
For the vast majority of people, even at a healthy and very fit weight, having a body that looks like a supermodel or professional athlete is unrealistic. “We have this persistent myth that everybody can be like that if we try hard enough, just buy the right product, work hard enough, and so on,” Anderson says. And then when people cannot physically achieve that goal, not only do they start disliking themselves, but they also start blaming themselves and knocking themselves for not being able to meet that ideal, he adds. It’s a good thing to make a healthy goal and work toward that goal. But recognize that no matter how many Pilates classes you take, if you’re 5 foot 2 inches tall and curvy, you’re not going to be able to transform your body into that of a 6-foot supermodel. Choose goals that are realistic for you and your body. Focusing on how you want your body to feel, rather than how you want it to look or what weight you want the scale to read can help, Engler says. “Focus on getting stronger or being more coordinated and less on the scale, the numbers, getting skinny.”
4. Embrace Body Neutrality if Body Positivity Seems Too Far Off
For some, achieving a neutral body image is more realistic than pure body positivity. “The term ‘body neutrality’ reminds us that we do not have to love our body to respect it, to nourish it, listen to its cues, or to have gratitude for what it can do,” says Samantha DeCaro, PsyD, director of clinical outreach and education with The Renfrew Center in Philadelphia, a residential eating disorder treatment facility. Or better yet, try not to think about your body appearance at all. “I almost wish there would be no discussion of bodies — no good, no bad,” Engler says. “It’s just a body, and the amount of attention we pay to it makes it so much more important than it needs to be.”
5. Take a Stand When You Hear Fat Talk
Fat talk is hurtful. And while it may be difficult to confront this kind of talk, if someone makes unkind comments about what someone else’s body (or their own) looks like, speak up and let them know it’s inappropriate. “Be a force of change in your peer group,” Anderson suggests. Anderson adds this advice for parents: Watch your own words and actions. Parents who are overly concerned with their own body image or their teen’s potential to achieve a perfect body may be adding to body issues, even if that’s not the intent of their words or actions.
6. Seek Help From a Professional if Body Image Is Interfering With Your Life
Being dissatisfied with your body from time to time is normal, Anderson says. But brushing that dissatisfaction off for too long and not dealing with it can lead to more problems. A therapist or other mental health professional can offer strategies to combat the symptoms that may be contributing to body image issues (such as negative self-talk) and help determine if there’s an underlying diagnosis (such as an eating disorder, depression, or anxiety) that should be addressed, Engler says. “The important thing is, if you’re struggling, you start talking to somebody soon and often, so you’ve got a professional who can help guide you along the way,” Engler says. Here are some signs that you should consider seeking help for coping with body image issues:
When Comments Are Extreme or Outrageous It’s one thing to say (either out loud or to yourself): “Ugh, my hair drives me nuts.” But it’s quite another issue if you regularly use stronger language, like: “I’m hideous.” If your self-talk has moved beyond the realm of irritation or frustration, and it feels more like body hatred, it’s time to seek help, says Paula Atkinson, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Washington, DC.When You Avoid Activities You Used to Enjoy If you’re avoiding or not enjoying partaking in social events (like a dance or a day at the beach) because of concerns about what your body looks like, that’s a red flag your body concerns are getting in the way of you living your life. “Anytime you’re changing your behaviors or [body image concerns] are interfering with your functioning, it’s time to seek help,” Engler says.When You Obsess About Certain Body Parts Obsessing about an aspect of your appearance may be a red flag. This obsession could range from rumination that interferes with your daily wellbeing or functioning (as Engler notes above) to body dysmorphic disorder, a mental health disorder in which you obsess over a perceived flaw, which is typically minor and even undetectable by others, according to Mayo Clinic.When Negative Thoughts Turn Into Harmful Actions Changing your lifestyle to be healthier is fine; starting a workout routine because you want to gain strength, for example, can be a really healthy move. But making an extreme change to your eating or fitness routine with the goal of getting your body to look a very specific way can quickly slide into the unhealthy or harmful category. “Such extremes can include constant dieting, binge-eating and purging, over-exercising, or removing yourself from social situations because of your discomfort with how you look,” Kelman says.When Loved Ones Speak Up “Listen to people you really trust and who love you,” says Eileen Anderson, EdD, a medical and psychological anthropologist and associate professor at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, who studies culture, body image, and eating disorders. “If people who love you are saying: ‘Hey that’s too much, that’s hurting you, or you’re being too hard on yourself’ — it’s time to get help.”
If you’re considering talking to a professional to improve your body image, don’t delay. “I don’t think it’s ever too soon to reach out to a professional and start having those conversations,” Engler says. “The more we are in our own heads, the more that we’re not connecting with someone who can challenge our interpretation of reality, the more isolated we become and the more solidified those faulty beliefs can be.” Remember that whatever body shape you have, you can build a healthy body image that allows you to respect yourself. With additional reporting by Moira Lawler.
