It is very wearily, therefore, that I assure you that this isn’t a “Top Three” piece, nor do I claim it will answer all of life’s nagging questions and problems. These three words are simply some of the most important tools I have found useful in getting me through a life with multiple sclerosis (MS).
Learning to Say ‘No’ Can Have a Positive Effect
The question of when to say “no” often comes up for people who live with MS and other chronic, debilitating conditions. We don’t want to admit to ourselves and others that we cannot do something we once could. While this is a difficult mental hurdle for us all, I’ve taken back control of the word “no.” Though I never enjoy saying “no” to things I like to do, things I once could do without much trouble, and things I know would give me great joy if I could do them, learning to say “no” has given me the opportunity to use the word in a positive context. “No, I’ll be alright.” “No, I don’t think I can do that today.” “No, thanks for the offer but I think I’ve got it this time.”
‘No’ Is a Complete Sentence
Perhaps even more difficult than learning to say “no” is gaining the strength to say it without modifier or explanation. We owe neither pathos, ethos, nor logos to describe why we’re saying “no.” When we master the unembellished “no,” we maintain the ramparts of dignity and privacy to which everyone is entitled. RELATED: The Importance of Marking Time With Multiple Sclerosis
It’s Always Okay to Ask for ‘Help’
Asking for assistance with anything often feels like an admission that we are unable to do the thing on our own. Abled people have as difficult time with “help” as anyone with a disability. However, abled people may work towards the ability to do the thing for which they now need help. For many of us living with MS, it’s quite possible that we have forever lost the ability to do the thing on our own. That makes “help” so much more difficult for me to say, because it means admitting to myself that I am no longer in the body I once was. As with “no,” however, “help” still allows us to do some of the most important things in our lives — just not in the same way.
Asking for Help Is Not a Surrender
Help is simply a boost over the hump so we can get to the good stuff. For example, it could come in the form of a walking stick to help us get much further than we could without one. If I didn’t ask for help for some things in my life, I would no longer be able to do or experience them. It seems both a shame and a waste to me, to no longer wring the joy out of life simply because my pride won’t allow me to ask for a little help now and again. “Help” isn’t a surrender, it’s an enabling battle cry to say that we’re not done with loving life. RELATED: Hearing the Truth About My MS Hurts
There’s Value in Knowing When to Say ‘When’
This word is, of course, mentioned in the figurative rather than the literal. We all learn in our own good time when to say “when.” “When,” for me, comes once enough is enough, I’m done, and I’m ready to cry uncle. “When” is for the big things as well as the small. It’s for careers, relationships, and living, as well as for a half-day’s work in the garden before throwing in the kitchen towel and calling for a takeaway dinner.
Knowing Your Limits Is Key
It’s best to practice learning where our personal “when” lies in the early days of living with MS, because we’re going to find ourselves saying it a lot more as the disease progresses. “When” is best spoken before it’s actually required. Life with MS seems to pick up momentum and nothing takes the same amount of time it once took. Like a Formula One driver, we must look ahead of ourselves to see the next bend in the road and gauge when the turn is required. No one wants to slow down for the turns too soon, but if we miss them, we may go skidding off the track completely. RELATED: The Satisfaction of Having an Actual Plan
Practice Makes Perfect With These Words
So there you have it: “No,” “help,” and “when” — three words to practice saying like a student learning a foreign language. Each has many uses and multiple meanings, and we would all be well served to understand their application and master their employment. Wishing you and your family the best of health. Cheers, Trevis
