When we talk about work, I often encourage people to separate a “me issue” from a “them issue.” A “me issue” is something within an individual’s control — for example, the way someone perceives, reacts to, or copes with a situation. These are things we can work together in therapy to understand and change. A “them issue” is any issue outside of an individual’s control. One of the things I love about this exercise is that it helps people identify and feel validated in what are natural responses to stressors. Instead of always blaming themselves for feeling frustrated, down, on edge, or tired after a workweek, they realize that they don’t exist in a vacuum. They are experiencing and responding to real adversity. When it comes to workplace well-being efforts, historically most have only focused on the “me” aspect. They encouraged people to meditate and move their bodies and do all these other things to build their ability to combat stress. While all those things are great, they ignore the very real “they” aspect. Last week, the U.S. Surgeon General published a new Framework for Workplace Mental Health and Well-Being; importantly, it homes in on the “they” piece of the conversation. It recognizes that employee well-being depends both on the individual (someone’s attitude, behaviors, and how they cope with stressors) and their workplace (the work environment, the demands from the higher ups, and team norms). In other words, it recognizes that no amount of yoga can take the place of equity, dignity, fair compensation, and flexibility in the workplace.
What Do Workplaces That Support Well-Being Actually Look Like?
The report starts with the problem, which isn’t a new one. People spend a lot of time working, so a workplace has the ability to either positively or negatively impact chronic stress. Unfortunately, it appears it is more common for workplaces to negatively impact stress, with a staggering 84 percent of 1,500 people surveyed (in for-profit, nonprofit, and government jobs from across the United States) reporting at least one workplace factor (like feeling emotionally drained, lack of recognition, or challenges with work-life balance) that had a negative impact on their mental health, and 76 percent surveyed reporting at least one symptom of a mental health condition (an increase of 17 percentage points in only two years). The report goes on to cite all the familiar research about how chronic stress and adversity worsens physical and mental health, which leads to less healthy, less happy, and less productive workers. Ultimately, protecting the mental health of employees benefits both the employees as well as the organization. What’s new, however, is that the report also puts the onus on workplaces and employers, too, to support the health and mental well-being of workers. Instead of trying to solve this problem by going on about programs to build individual coping skills, it emphasizes that there needs to be changes in the workplace itself to make for healthier work. More specifically, the report outlines five essential elements for workplace well-being: These elements are all things that have come up in my practice over and over again. It’s the person who feels discriminated against because of their race or gender. It’s the parent who is struggling to meet the demands of parenthood and their profession but could easily excel if they could just slightly adjust their hours or work from home sometimes. It’s the person who receives no praise for a job well done, but very loud and disrespectfully-phrased criticism for any and all mistakes. It’s the person who is so frustrated because they have many untapped talents and are no longer learning or progressing at work. Ultimately, what this report highlights is that a lot of the stress placed on employees is unnecessary and avoidable. It is largely systems-based and could be lessened if organizations were willing to revamp their systems.
So, It’s Not Just Me — Now What?
While it is a great start to even have a report urging workplaces to create healthier environments, it’s unclear what kinds of changes it will actually lead to. And if change does come about, who knows how long it could take. So, what can workers do in the meantime? What can you do if you’re struggling? The realization of a “them issue” can be both liberating and frustrating. On the one hand, it may help you realize that there may not be anything wrong or problematic with your behaviors or attitudes; instead the problem is that you’re having a natural response to hardship. On the other hand, it emphasizes that some things are not in your control. But, just because something isn’t in your control, doesn’t mean you are powerless. Here are a few ways you may be able to create some of these changes:
Vent more constructively when talking (to yourself or others) about what’s bothering you. Resist the urge to make general statements like “I hate my job” or “my boss stinks.” Instead, ask yourself why. This not only helps you draw attention to some of the positives as well as the negatives of the workplace, it also helps you zero in on what is important to you and what you feel is lacking in your current job setting.Speak up once you zero in on what you feel is lacking in your workplace. Consider voicing your concerns and asking for what you need. If you feel there is a reasonable request you can make, consider making it. Chances are, in many current workplaces, you won’t be given what you don’t ask and negotiate for.Consider your purpose in your organization. Sometimes it helps to keep in mind why we do the work we do. To put aside all of the flaws of many current work environments and consider why you chose that line of work to begin with. If it is something you just fell into, consider why you keep showing up. Your “why” may be to continue to provide for your family; that’s a huge and important why. It won’t make the workplace any rosier, but it may help you celebrate that daily win.Seek your own mentor even if your company doesn’t have a formal mentorship program. Look around you — if you see someone who does a kind of work you aspire to or has a work-life balance you admire, reach out to them. Meet with them and ask them what things worked and didn’t work for them in achieving what they have.Make an escape plan so that you know that’s an option. Keep in mind that there is always another work setting. Financially, you may not be able to just quit as soon as you want to, but you can start the process. Edit your resume and cover letter, check out other places you think may be a good fit, or consider if self-employment could be for you. Take all the steps you need so that you can walk away from the “them issue” if you want to.
